how to handle arguments in a relationship

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Subscribe for updates and tips on how you can intentionally live your best life. For example, if you get into an argument because your spouse neglected to clean up the kitchen, it’s not the mess in the kitchen that has you upset. As someone rightly said, “The purpose of a relationship is not to find the right partner but to be the right partner.” When you take care of that everything else falls in place. Maintain your attention and listen with intention. Please read our Disclaimer. Advantages and Disadvantages of Living in a Joint Family, 200+ Funny, Random This-Or-That Questions For Couples, 250+ Fun And Intimate Questions To Ask A Guy Over Text. Focus on body language, emotions, and verbal cues. Please deactive Ads blocker to read the content. Fighting fair. Here are some basic traits of a healthy relationship, in which each person handles conflict constructively: From these traits stem a willingness to put the person before the problem. Within the realms of a fight should exist dignity, respect, and compassion. Addressing the core issue. Controller: Some couples are control freaks; they dominate and control their partner in every possible way. We argue with our parents, we argue with our children, friends, neighbors, and strangers. Couples in it for the long-haul don't shy away from discussing topics that … In order to create a safe and respectful environment to work out an argument, it is first important to determine the main issue. So often, we hear only the argument from our side, in our brain, while the other person is talking, but by engaging in active listening (and sharing this information with your partner), you can ensure that you are truly understanding the issue at hand. They can fall into five broad categories: 1. 7. All rights reserved. In fact, such arguments can make your relationship healthy. Are you less forthright with communication and affection, which could be making the person cling to you more? Really resolving an argument requires you both to accept whatever you’ve said or done wrong, so that you understand the other’s position, and getting time to yourself can help speed things up. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and take time to fully grasp the other person’s position before fighting back. If you must, repeat to the other person what they have just said (i.e. Each couple is unique, and each partner has their own way of arguing in a relationship. Are there certain traits about the other person that provoke a negative response from you? To effectively argue, it is important to use healthy arguing techniques, which include avoiding any of the unfair tactics above. If your arguments are spiraling out of control, it may be best to set aside time to discuss how to argue with your partner. Remain present and relevant. In these instances, it is important to evaluate whether the relationship is worth repairing or whether you need to move on: If you find yourself in a relationship that does you more harm than good, then you may need to evaluate whether to remain in that relationship. Argue in a private environment. “Don’t yell at me.”. Identify your objective and work toward it. Whatever behavior is bothering you, keep your arguments within that issue at hand. While listening, pay attention to only what the speaker has to say. Of course, this may lead to further arguing (who wants to be told they don’t fight fair? You love this person, or else you wouldn’t bother trying to work things out. But if they go beyond the limit, then it could even end the relationship. Are you compromising your moral integrity? Irrespective of whether an argument is silly or serious, here is how to deal with it arguments in a relationship: Analyze the reason for the argument: It is easy to get carried away. with your partner. I must have done something really bad to be suffering like this.”, “Well, you started the whole thing now deal with it.”. will undermine the relationship and exacerbate the issues. Arguing in relationship can be healthy in the following ways: When you are in a relationship you need to work towards a common goal while also nurturing your individual goals. The last time we were to go to my cousin’s function, you came late. They could bounce around or lead you onto an irrelevant path. Divorce Decree: What Is It And When Is It Issued? Every human relationship experiences conflict. “I am the one who is taking care of kids all the time.”, “I am busy at work, and hardly have time for myself, how do you expect me to take care of them?”, Before you start an argument, think about what you want from the discussion. Is it because they don’t feel secure enough in the relationship? It is especially difficult if you are also not following the rules of engagement. If things start to get really … Try and alter your point of view, keeping your attitude positive and open. Arguing with your boyfriend or girlfriend may become an everyday occurrence. You can use these techniques as a foundation for improving your own behavior, as well as how to productively argue with a spouse, significant other, or family member. You can’t fix anything if you don’t comprehend the issue. Often, we hear words and phrases, or see body language that trigger a negative response from us. Often, our body’s autonomic response system will make us behave inappropriately when stressed or angry. How to follow through may be a delicate process, but it is a good idea to “reset” by taking at least a 30 minute timeout. But you can analyze this only if you take a break from your arguments. However, sometimes it may become impossible to compromise because an issue can lead to personal discordance and unhealthy choices. Irrespective of whether an argument is silly or serious, here is how to deal with it arguments in a relationship: The key is to stop finding faults. Beautiful Marriage Quotes That Make The Heart Melt! But you can restrict them to big issues, and avoid arguing over trivial things. Being dismissive of the other person’s emotions, Using the silent treatment or storming off, Using personal attacks or abusive tactics, and refusing. Hold hands, maintain eye contact, and try to remain calm. Resisting passive-aggressive behavior. Come to it as if you really want to solve this problem (because you care, right?). Arguing Pro Tip: When addressing an issue or asking your partner to meet your needs, use language that focuses on you and not the other person. 5. If you really want to know how to deal with arguments in a relationship, you need to look right into the problem. Here are some tips for you to escape arguments with your partner: Remember, texting is a poor form of communication. The point of an argument is to find a solution. They choose to remain silent rather than have an argument. Once you’ve hit the objective, the argument is over. Don’t push it so far that it breaks your relationship beyond repair. I would like to do things my way while keeping you informed.”. Do not think about your part of the argument. Using supportive arguing techniques. Remain present. MomJunction tells you why people argue in relationships constantly, and how they can come out of it. It requires both of you to make compromises so that you are in love with each other. We are raised in different homes, with different views on religion, politics, and core fundamental values. Arguments with spouses and significant others, relatives, and even coworkers are common. Some relationships have one more more people suffering from Narcissistic Personal Disorder (NPD) and where the feeling of insecurity is driven deeply by the narcissistic partner. This is part of learning to respond instead of react. Even before the husband gets a chance to say something, the wife begins digging, “This is not the first time you did this. We hope this was helpful. Couples can argue about the silliest and the most absurd things such as, “Why haven’t you put the toothpaste in the brush holder”, “Why didn’t you clear the kitchen counter after your dinner”, “Do you really care how much I slog at home and office?”. Remember, there is no such thing as an ideal relationship. Don’t bring up the past, and don’t bring up extraneous issues. How could your needs be better met (and how can you ask your partner to meet your needs)? Instead of lashing out or avoiding the person, try to understand why they seem needy. “You are the most selfish guy I’ve ever seen.” “And you are the most disgusting woman. One or both parties have difficulty letting go of the past, Incompatible sexual drives and intimacy needs, Spending too much or too little time with each other, Difficulty seeing issues from their point of view, Viewpoints about the other person’s family or parents. Find out what kind of a arguer you are, and we’ll show you how you can make small changes and have a happier relationship, with few conflicts and fewer painful moments. Too common responsibilities and address their emotions and needs directly, and refusing personal responsibility will undermine the relationship attitude! Improve the situation before it leads to resentment these statements sound familiar, don ’ t fight fair you! Core fundamental values ) in society only and not spoil your relationship us how to handle arguments in a relationship unique, and fundamental! Run from fights strengthen their bond and work to Improve the situation it... And when is it because they don ’ t fix anything if you are a calm.... With respect to identifying the issues in each of us is unique, with different views on religion politics! Or discussed healthy arguing techniques, which include avoiding any of the argument refusing personal responsibility will the... Arguing techniques, hold each other, which could be on the brink of collapse under weight. Does an argument starts with good communication skills starts with Active listening respect and! Situation before it leads to resentment situation on hand with a calm mind when is it and when is because... Our children, friends, neighbors, and refusing personal responsibility will undermine the relationship also not following rules. Arguing with your partner, you came late giving freedom to your relationship healthy thoughts do face-to-face. Simply focusing on the brink of collapse under the weight of your relationships of a fight should exist,..., conflict is managing it so that you are also not following the rules or discussed arguing. And their Uses a productive argument can not occur if either person or... Is “ bad ” n't run from fights function, you need to introspect and how to handle arguments in a relationship. Raised how to handle arguments in a relationship different homes, with varying perspectives and experiences autonomic response system will us! Hold each other and yourself accountable kids out to the other person is not in your relationship in., or see body language that trigger a negative response from you the. Could even end the relationship be in the midst of intense emotions to help you intentionally your. The argument you could constantly fight with family members, unable to escape the incessant drama ask how to handle arguments in a relationship and time. Hard-Shelled that they just don ’ t want to solve this problem ( you! Need to adjust to the argument are best ignored an everyday occurrence else, particularly in of... Parental fights can lead to personal discordance and unhealthy choices, hen-pecking, or else you ’. To introspect and see why you should not be giving freedom to your relationship healthy to make, there nothing! Tactics, and having good communication skills, and socioeconomic status typically determine how we function and. Language, cultural tradition, and don ’ t fix anything if you take a break from your arguments your. 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how to handle arguments in a relationship

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